“What? You’re over 40 and want to breed?!?”

(What NOT to say after meeting at a speed-dating event)

I finally got myself to a speed dating event last week and had a blast. I met thirteen men and had four minutes to decide if I would mark them as a “yes” on my scorecard.

Let’s be clear. Four minutes is only time enough to consider whether, at a future occasion, you’d jump the bones of your interviewee. It is not enough time to determine your compatibility.

Fortunately I had my secret decoder at hand. I knew if I got my date talking about his interest in music, I’d have the information I needed to score him a “yes” or a “no.” My plan worked beautifully.

I said yes to six of the thirteen men and they all said yes to me. (You learn this online at the company’s website a day later.) I thought I might be compatible with these men because each one had indicated that music was important to him (plus, I thought they were all cute). They must’ve appreciated my approach, because right away I heard from three of them.

Having already resolved two important pieces of the dating puzzle, that there’s chemistry and that we were a sound match, next up was to learn the basic lifestyle preferences of my potential dates (easily obtained by reading the person’s online profile).

Oh well. One down. The guy I felt had the most promise (he worked in the music business) clearly wrote in his profile that kids weren’t part of his life agenda. Since I’m 40, I would like to keep the possibility open until I’m sure whether or not kids will become part of my life. So, I replied to his email and told him my thoughts. And, I suggested we explore friendship because it seemed like we had a lot of similar interests. His response?

Sure, he’s interested in exploring friendship because he has, like, two female friends. And, he wanted to make sure I knew that “If you’re gonna breed, you’d better do so soon because I’ve heard it becomes more dangerous to do so after the age of 40 (for women that is)!”

Gee, thanks for the tip. That solves the mystery surrounding why he only has two girl friends. Poor thing.

I’m still deciding how I’ll respond to his message. This kind of social ineptitude is hard to detect in four minutes, so thankfully there’s online follow up. Clearly, he’s big on opinion and deficient in social communication skills. He’s the perfect target audience for my intention to help people learn “how to say it.”

Since contrast is important, I thought knowing what NOT to say could benefit those social geeks out there. You know who you are. If you need help having a normal conversation with a woman, write a comment, pose a question and I’ll help you approach your conversation or email so that you don’t immediately annihilate your chance of ever getting a date…



This entry was posted in A Sound Match Odyssey, Dating Advice: How to say it, Dating/Relationship Experiences, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Comments are closed, but you can leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  1. erat
    Posted January 15, 2008 at 5:50 am | Permalink

    hmmmm…very interesting!
    Thanks google

  2. Posted April 18, 2008 at 1:40 pm | Permalink

    Great story!

    You hit on a great point, though, I think. A lot of guys think that money, looks, and physical “prowess” are the BIG keys of dating…

    No dude…

    Just learn how to carry on a normal conversation without tripping over your tongue or saying something retarded.

    Hell, that’ll get you 75% of the way… and, if you got some money, looks, and good physical attributes…

    You’ve almost got it completely made…

    Of course, understanding what makes a woman tick and exactly how to press her “hot” buttons is cool, too.

    But, start with the convo skills… and build from there.

    Anyway, great post!