How To Say It: A New Relationship – Not On Same Page? How to Break It Off

The Issue:

You like this person. You want more but sense the feeling is not mutual.

You spend more time feeling anxious rather than happy about the relationship. Maintain your integrity. It’s time to communicate your feelings, knowing this conversation could likely end the relationship.

Don’t lose yourself in hard work trying to get your love interest to see how great you are. Nothing is more important than that you feel good. If the relationship doesn’t make you feel good the majority of the time, you know it’s not the right one for you.

The Opener:
“I have a great time with you when we spend time together. It’s been fun and exciting to have you in my life. Frankly, I was hoping for a deeper connection with you.

And, I feel unclear about where this is going so it would be really helpful if we can have a talk about us. It’s a bit nerve-wracking to talk about it, so I hope you will chime in and help it along.”

Get In It (3 options):
[Note: mix and match statements if it helps]

1. “I feel your resistance as I try to get closer to you. I have tried opening up to you, hoping that you’d feel comfortable doing the same with me, but it does not seem to be working. I get the feeling that you prefer an emotional distance … and that feels uncomfortable to me. It will help if you can explain what you’re thinking so we can decide if it’s a good time to let go of this, and maybe pursue a deeper friendship instead.”

2. “It might be that I am too sensitive to date you. I find myself feeling uncertain about our dating status a lot of the time. I have a hard time understanding what you want from me. The ambiguity is uncomfortable for me and it leads me to believe we are not on the same page about what we want from each other. I like you and I would be happy pursuing a deeper friendship because it feels like a better choice for us.”

3. “I want you to be happy. I want happiness, too. I want my relationships to feel natural and effortless. Trying to get you to talk about the status of our relationship feels like pulling teeth. It is too hard for me. The ongoing uncertainty I have about our relationship makes me believe it’s not the right time for us. In the pursuit of happiness, I think we should stop trying to have a romantic connection and begin focusing on a deeper friendship.”

Close It:

“Do you agree that friendship is a better choice for us? I am listening if you want to correct my assumptions or have something more to say about all of this.”


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