How To Say It: Decline A Long-time Friend Who Now Wants More

The Issue: Sexual Chemistry as the Dealbreaker.

You have been close friends for a long time and love each other. But now he wants it all, sex and a serious relationship with you. Having him as your partner would be perfect. You can see yourself living your life with him … except that you have never before felt compelled to jump his bones. Is it possible that you have sexual chemistry? To be sure, you fool around a few times. Sadly, you realize the chemistry just isn’t there for you, although he seems happy with it.

You are afraid to hurt his feelings. You will be crushed if he withdraws from you because he is such an important part of your life.

But, it’s time to tell him you cannot have a romantic relationship with him.

The Opener:
“When you suggested that we explore a romantic relationship, I was excited about it. I was immediately intrigued and wondered if maybe we are meant to be together. After all, you are sexy and handsome and considerate and kind and … [obviously, fill this in as appropriate].”

You are one of the most important people in my life and I want us to be in each other’s lives always. Our relationship is more meaningful to me than you may know.”

Get In It:

“I can feel your passion for me and I wish more than anything that I could return it to you. Believe me, I wish my body would respond the way I want it to. It feels like the universe if playing a cruel joke on me because I want us to be together. For so long you have felt like family to me, and I can’t seem to get past feeling that you are my brother rather than my lover.”

Close It:

“I will be crushed if you withdraw from me. I don’t want anything between us to change. I am really glad we explored the possibility … and now we know. I love you so much and I hope we both can look at this as a little adventure. Is there anything more I can tell you? Is there anything more you’d like to say about it?”

Do you have an intimidating conversation to start? Write in and ask me “How To Say It.” I will respond quickly.


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